Ellie Snyder
Muse of Music, Worshipper of Words, Revelling in Rats
ePortfolio- Minor in Writing
2015
Instead of a charming list of my personality traits, here is a list of things I'd rather be doing right now. Hopefully this illuminates the kind of person I am in an unconventional, mildly horrifying way.
Eating to the point of vomiting. I don't delicately place little bits of food between my lips. I shovel. I don't daintily spoon soup into my mouth. I shove. I don't monitor portion sizes, I don't have the eating habits of a remotely healthy person. Instead, mine mirror those of a circus lion. When I do something mighty, I get a food reward. It's kooky, it's horrifying, and it frightens small children.
Going for a run. Again, this isn't a habit I've chosen to craft a more healthy lifestyle. This is entirely necessity. I run because I crave both the unique sense of freedom it gives me, and because I absolutely require the great outpouring of calories. Without running, I'd be 300 pounds, and very, very irritated.
Cuddling my tiny pets. I have twin rats- fancy rats, they're called!- and they are my world. My roommate and I bought them to serve as fuzzy little test drives, which we realize now is a little bit terrible, but we wanted them to prove we're adults who can care for little creatures. We are doing a pretty good job! Beyonce and Nicki Minaj are happily alive, poorly-behaved, and obese.
Online shopping. I like Cyber Monday because, unlike Black Friday, you don't even need to put on pants and go out into the world to score some amazing deals! All you need is a credit card, lack of willpower, and an enthusiasm for finding creepy-weird things on Amazon. My Amazon wishlist is one of my post prized possessions, and probably the biggest indicator of who I am as a human being. After all, do you know many girls who covey a three pound bag of tutti-frutti gummi bears? Didn't think so.
